Becoming pregnant and enduring the process are no easy feats, especially amid the declining birth and marriage rates of today’s generation. Date sites have made meeting Mr. Right more challenging, while technology has bourgeoned a plethora of conflicted information—both of which may only dissuade and scare women from embarking on the perilous yet rewarding journey. Scanning videos and articles online will only obfuscate matters, so after much research and scrutiny, I hereby present to you four of the best books with which to engage before and during pregnancy.
- The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant, by Jean M. Twenge, PhD
This manual is super beneficial with helping you prepare mentally, emotionally and spiritually for pregnancy. Did you know, for example, that exercising 5-7 hours a week can increase fertility by 44%? There is even a whole chapter with strategies for conceiving a boy versus a girl; in a nutshell, sex closer to ovulation (within 12 hours) typically produces a girl. The highlight of this book is its emphasis on the old archaic data on women’s age and fertility; this will certainly appease women over 35 still looking for Mr. Right, or looking to wait to start a family. Of course it’s advisable for women to become aware of their ovarian reserves early on, in order to maximize the utility of IVF, which is certainly discussed as well. Sure waiting those 2 weeks to know if you’re pregnant or not can cause quite a bit of anxiety, but Dr. Twenge extirpates some useful techniques for cultivating patience and grace. She affirms that the pluses of having kids are “so understated” because the experience itself is “so profound and ineffable; involuntary energy is required to grow a person. Recommending natural births, hiring a doula, and labor classes, this book is a phenomenal walk through the pre-pregnancy stages—all of which are riveting and charming in and of themselves.
2. Like a Mother: A Feminist Journey through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy, by Angela Garbes
This book is a fantastic eye opener for when you finally do become pregnant. Underpinning the notion that motherhood and morality are inextricably linked, it exposes the unending biases and paradoxes present in western culture today. For example, the rigid stigmas, biases, and overinterpretation of flawed studies conducted on alcohol arose only post 1975. It really just comes down to what level of risk are you comfortable with as a mother? There is ‘very little’ we can ultimately control in pregnancy, as we undergo a ‘constant state of transformation’. Garbes escorts us viscerally through the various trimesters. The placenta ‘organ’, for example, is the most misunderstood organ and arguably the most important for the baby’s development. It weighs about 2 pounds, covers 150 square feet, and connects to the endocrine system. It operates as the organs of the baby, before their organs have even developed; it is essentially part of the baby and not the mother, which means 50% of it is made up of the father’s genes. Moreover, did you know that humans undergo the longest labor of all terrestrial animals? Through evolution, our heads enlarged and our hips shrunk.
“Babies are, heretofore, required to become acrobats in order to fit through our pelvis!”
Labor is indeed a ‘grisly process’ with an ‘ecstatic output’ and ‘result’; being a mother, after all, does mean ‘experiencing the full range of emotions in a very short time.’ Studies even show that your child’s cells continue to live in your body for the rest of your life! Some other shocking facts include the fact that America has the highest maternity death rate of any developing country, and that 88% of insurance companies before 2010’s affordable healthcare act did not even cover maternity care of childbirth! Garbes also traverses the importance of doulas and care during childbirth, while unraveling the mysterious beauty of breastfeeding. Did you know that the milk we feed babies is basically our melted body fat? She argues that we do not have enough institutions in place to help women to continue breastfeeding after 6 months (only 13% of women do), nor do we have perineal rejuvenation resources which in France are subsidized by the government! She also argues that prolapse or pelvic pain after birth is not normal, is severely under-diagnosed, and that there should be more pelvic postpartum physical therapy activities. The muscles of the pelvic floor do stretch to three times their ability in childbirth, so it’s just a matter of conscientious preparation.
3. The Headspace Guide to a Mindful Pregnancy, by Andy Puddicombe
This meditation guide to approaching pregnancy, written by Britain’s renowned meditation and mindfulness expert, is instructionally remarkable for both mothers and fathers alike. Founder of the headspace meditation app, his soothing voice and guided meditation sequences render this book a great one to listen to audibly. The science of meditation has evolved tremendously in recent decades, especially with respect to taming reactivity, tempering pain, and augmenting brain matter. He has personally confronted the onset of parenthood as a new father, and draws forthrightly from his own encounters.
“To grow a human body requires a vast amount of energy; that energy has to come from somewhere—deep from within you.”
Extremely beneficial when approaching the tribulations and transformations during pregnancy, meditation can help us to resist jumping all over our fears and apprehensions, which only exacerbates the negative. Especially early on in pregnancy, difficulty regulating emotions and anxieties may lead to a baby’s difficulty regulating its own emptions and anxieties later in life.
“Discovering what it feels like to have your body hijacked by another life is very scary.”
Increased mindfulness, heretofore, heightens melatonin levels, quality of sleep, and breast milk quality, and child’s immunity. Cause and effect hinge on the choices we make each moment, so awareness and understanding are key. Suffering is the result of attachment, of chasing that thing on which we believe our happiness depends. We suffer because we try to control that which cannot be controlled, refusing to accept the truth or life as it is.
“Witnessing the emotion or pain rather than becoming it will enable you to bring gentle curiosity to the unpleasant sensation.”
Physiologically scanning each of the trimesters, he discusses the importance of mindful eating, exercising, and pain management. Puddicombe admits that pregnancy and childbirth are difficult enough without adding inner dialogue which continually reinforces the idea of pain and hopelessness. By identifying with a sensation, we allow it to hurt us.
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4. Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, by Ina May Gaskin, author of Spiritual Midwifery
A guide written by a leading midwife with a birthing center of her own and nearly 40 years of experience, this book will teach women ancient techniques for attuning their perspectives, navigating pregnancy, and for avoiding technological intervention as much as possible. Shedding light on some inadequacies of conventional medicine, for example the c-section rate increased from 1.8% in 2010 to 31% by 2016 and the rates for induction and vacuum doubled between 1989-1999 though their causes have not changed, she will effectively transform your fears into recognition that childbirth is indeed a transformational miracle.
“Taboos are to be broken for [a woman] to overcome her fears of childbirth.”
Launching the guide with several touching anecdotal birthing experiences from mothers who have given birth in hospitals, at home, or at Ina’s birthing center, expectant mothers will indeed be pacified. I know these stories certainly propelled me to better anticipate the powerful mind/ body connection at play during labor. Childbirth can actually be orgasmic, it’s all a matter of perspective and preparation! Identifying various inhibitory influences on the process of dilation, she highlights valuable techniques for overcoming stressors. For example, deep abdominal breathing causes relaxation of the body, especially of the pelvic floor muscles. Moreover, flexing the arm muscles can too help to distract from tightening thighs or pelvic muscles.
“Laughter is a form of anesthesia”.
Also, given the stark correlation between relaxing the throat sphincter and avoiding perineal tears, singing, mooing like a cow, or horse lips to relax the throat will in turn relax the perineal areas. Optimal functioning of the sphincters occurs when the mind is amused and affectionate and loves our bottom parts.
“Relaxation happens most when you treat the bottom parts with antics, humor and amusement rather than with shame, terror or revulsion.”
Ina May also illuminates woman’s rights during labor. A woman should always question the reasons and information given to her. For example, you can decline GB strep testing and antibiotic IV’s during labor. I know that my doctor tested me very early on for GB, and her convincing me to take antibiotics set me off into a domino effect of irritating issues down below. Typically, doctors don’t even test for GB until later. Inductions are too very common these days, and allegedly result in added uterine and fetal stress, prolonged contractions, and other risks that I’d rather not go into much detail at this time provided that I may have to be induced soon.
“Declining as many interventions as possible will protect you and the baby from infections.”
When going into labor, Ina May admonishes readers to guard against coercion, and to notice it in all its subtle forms. After 41 weeks, doctors tend to talk of ‘fetal demise’ to implement forms of ‘mind control that remove autonomy from women and put it into the doctors control.’ Women need not, after all, rush to the hospital at the onset of labor, where conditions are not optimal for relaxation. Women who go to the hospital during latent labor end up with more intervention. In fact, Amish women are known to start big projects when in latent labor; they keep busy and normalize the phase.
“Get up and move during labor. Your body was made for this!”
Her particularly useful chapter “Giving Birth: Move Freely, Let Gravity Work for you” sheds light on the importance of assuming various positions, massage, and of ‘accessing the power of a wild animal’ during labor. Upright positions and squatting in labor are traditional to most countries, as they employ better use of gravity and avoid impaction. It is presumed the supine position was introduced in 1663 for King Louis to watch his wife give birth. This position also made it easier for male midwives to utilize forceps. The mouth of the uterus stretches extraordinarily, however, so labor should be an active physiological act, and not a passive one. Certain mantras and ways of thinking can too facilitate vaginal enlargement. “I’ve never seen a tear in a woman who kisses who way through pushing and touches herself throughout,” asserts Ina.
“Movement during labor helps to facilitate cervical dilation and to position the baby more effectively for movement through the pelvis. Stay on your feet as much as possible! Sit on birth ball, or toilet.”
Addressing the unnecessary nature of most episiotomies, and the need for immediate child bonding, placental expulsion, c-sections, preventing postpartum depression and so much more, this book is beyond eye, mind and heart opening. Unfortunately, she does wait until the very end to supply a list of super valuable questions to ask when deciding on a caregiver, (I wish I’d had the list of queries 41 weeks ago). Nevertheless, I cannot emphasize enough the necessity for taking time with what I’d like to hereby declare a most remarkable birthing bible.
Artwork by Tarn Ellis
